That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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