What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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