at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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