how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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