I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I understand Curling. That high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
