I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
