Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
