we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
