He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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