a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
