I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
