I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
