Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
