did you get engaged???
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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