I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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