I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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