Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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