If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
