i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
