Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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