Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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