i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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