I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need moral support for this bender
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
