I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
