Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
