That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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