my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
