Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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