She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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