im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
