So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
