there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
