Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
