My nipple is on Facebook.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
