you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
