we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
