I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
