next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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