The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
