Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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