I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
