Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
