god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
