Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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