I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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