My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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