Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
