I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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