We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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