I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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