this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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