dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
