whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
