Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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