I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
