In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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