i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
