I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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