she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
