I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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