He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
