they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
