no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
