Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
