I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
