weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
