I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
